THIS IS THE WORST GAME OF CHESS ANYONE'S EVER SEEN!

Checkmate is back, with Amanda Waller, and guess who they want? CHLOE, a.k.a. Watchtower! Clark is apparently super selfish for not checking in with Chloe on his every move. Somehow Tess just now finds out that Oliver is Green Arrow. Detective John Jones is being sketchy. Checkmate kidnaps Chloe, so Clark has to break some legs. Oh, and no Lois? Chess sucks!

Phil Morris (Doom Patrol, Seinfeld) returns as DC Comics original character Martian Manhunter.

Pam Grier (Jackie Brown, Foxy Brown) returns as DC Comics original character Amanda Waller.

As always, enjoy the show and LEAVE THOSE FIVE STARS!

Couples Retreat: The Smallville Edition

The Nurse and her sister join us as special guest hosts for this romantic couples getaway!

Clark finds some time to plan a romantic weekend with Lois at the ever-so-famous McDougle Inn. Little do they know the most horrible couple, Chloe and Oliver, is also doing their own romantic getaway at the very same place. On top of that, the inn is haunted by the soul of Silver Banshee and is casually murdering men only (sexist, much?). Meanwhile, an even worse couple is having sexy time at Clark's barn. Their names? Tess and Zod, who we have now deemed as "Zess".

Odessa Rae appears in the episode as DC Comics original character Silver Banshee.

As always, enjoy the show and LEAVE THOSE FIVE STARS!

Dr. Beanie and His Bloody Limbs

The Kandorian's secret human experiments come back to bite them after a previous victim kidnaps the three who were in charge, and one happens to be the sister of Faora. Clark tries to help, but is too high to solve the crime all on his own. Who else can help, you ask? LOIS AND ZOD, OF COURSE (eww)! Meanwhile, Oliver figures out Chloe has been stealing money from him in order to create a mass array of kryptonite weaponry. Also, Zod has a sweet surprise at the end (it sucks).

Smallville Presents: Crimson, Pt. II and Zod's 9/11

It's Valentine's Day and Lois refuses to do anything romantic with Clark, but he isn't helping either. After a blast of fairy dust, a.k.a. PCP, laced with Gemstone Kryptonite, Clark now has the ability to "persuade" the people he talks to. Lois becomes a traditional housewife. Chloe somehow gets worse and is a psychotic C.K. bodyguard. Even Clark persuades himself to try and kill Tess after Zod tells him she killed the clone of Jor-El (#9.7)... or did she?

SKCUS GNI***F LLITS EOLHC

Zatanna is back and hotter than ever before, and sort of slutty? Either way, it's time to go "BIG" at the Metropolis Wonder-Con! A kid named Alec turns into an adult superhero after reading a cursed Warrior Angel comic book, courtesy of Zatanna's late father. Chloe shows us she's into REALLY young men. Clark and Lois still won't put out for each other.

Serinda Swan (Reacher, The Coroner, Ballers) makes her second appearance as DC Comics original character Zatanna Zatara.

As always, enjoy the show and LEAVE THOSE FIVE STARS!

"You are of value, Clark Kent."

After part one, Clark and his worst friends all get together to team-up with some of the J.S.A. members. The heroes go after The Icicle once they find out his weaknesses, with some sacrifices along the way (R.I.P. Kent Nelson). Unknown to them, The Icicle was hired by Amanda Waller, an agent of a group called Checkmate. Waller, a.k.a. "The White Queen", lures Lois into her schemes, while Tess seems to be super jealous and continues to do things that make no sense.

Pam Grier (Jackie Brown, The L Word) makes her debut appearance as DC Comics original character Amanda Waller.

Phil Morris, Wesley MacInnes, Britt Irvin, Michael Shanks and Brent Stait all return as DC Comics original characters John Jones ("Martian Manhunter"), Cameron Mahkent ("The Icicle"), Courtney Whitmore ("Stargirl"), Carter Hall ("Hawkman") and Kent Nelson ("Dr. Fate"), respectively.

As always, enjoy the show and LEAVE THOSE FIVE STARS!

What's the "J.S.A."?

That's right nerds, it's time for the golden age heroes to make their Smallville debut. After the Star-Spangled Kid and the Sandman are murdered by a villain named "The Icicle", the gang gets together in order to find out why he is picking off retired heroes one-by-one. As Oliver pursues a high school girl, Clark and Chloe bust out the Daily Planet archives to learn that this team of heroes were framed for crimes they never committed. That team's name is The Justice Society of America.

Wesley MacInnes, Jim Shield, Ken Lawson, Britt Irvin, Michael Shanks and Brent Stait make special guest appearances as DC Comics original characters Cameron Mahkent ("The Icicle"), Sylvester Pemberton ("Star-Spangled Kid"), Wesley Dodds ("Sandman"), Courtney Whitmore ("Stargirl"), Carter Hall ("Hawkman") and Kent Nelson ("Dr. Fate"), respectively.

Other DC Comics character cameos include Ted Grant ("Wildcat"), Al Pratt ("The Atom"), Jay Garrick ("The Flash"), Abigail Hunkel ("Red Tornado") and Alan Scott ("Green Lantern").

NO LOVERS. NO ALLIES. NO HOOKERS.

Oliver's old mentor, Vordigan, comes into town to remind his former student of the vows he took. First, the Dark Archer ruins Lois and Clark's date night. Second, he attacks Chloe, who deserves it by the way. Third, he kidnaps Oliver's favorite hooker (oops, we meant "disciple") Mia, a.k.a. Speedy. Lastly, he wants an honorable death from his protege. What does Oliver do? Chokes out his hooker Speedy, and then mopes around Metropolis because Lois and Clark are dating.

Steve Bacic (Andromeda) special guest stars as Vordigan, Smallville's iteration of the DC Comics original character Dark Archer.

Elise Gatien (Ghost Wars, Virgin River) returns for her final appearance as DC Comics original character Mia Dearden, a.k.a. Speedy.

As always, enjoy the show and LEAVE THOSE FIVE STARS!