In this episode of "Every Widow Thinks," we had the privilege of speaking with Jeff, a widower from Austin, who shared his deeply personal journey following the loss of his wife, Mona, in 2019. Jeff opened up about their love story, which began with a blind date in Seattle, and how they built a life together in Austin, raising their daughter, Julia.

Mona's battle with a rare cancer, liposarcoma, lasted nearly nine years, during which Jeff and Mona navigated the complexities of treatment while striving to maintain a sense of normalcy for their young daughter.

Resources:

https://flatwater.org

https://wondersandworries.org

https://www.hospiceaustin.org/our-services/christopher-house/

00:00:00 - Introduction to Jeff and His Story
00:01:00 - Meeting Mona: A Blind Date in Seattle
00:02:40 - Moving to Austin and Starting a Family
00:04:20 - Mona's Cancer Diagnosis: Liposarcoma
00:05:50 - The Journey of Treatment and Family Support
00:07:30 - Living with Cancer: A New Normal
00:08:50 - Mona's Determination to Maintain Normalcy
00:10:20 - Navigating the Medical Community as Physicians
00:12:00 - Traveling and Creating Memories Together
00:14:10 - The Shift in Health: Rapid Progression
00:16:00 - Emergency Surgery and Hospital Stays
00:18:15 - Transitioning to Hospice Care
00:19:40 - Final Days at the Christopher House
00:21:00 - Talking to Julia About Cancer and Loss
00:22:30 - Julia's Coping Mechanisms and Support
00:25:00 - Reflections on Grief and Milestones
00:27:10 - Adjusting to Life After Loss
00:28:40 - Therapy and Support Resources
00:30:30 - Planning for the Future: Wills and Wishes
00:32:00 - Mona's Legacy: Letters and Memories
00:34:00 - Navigating Dating After Loss
00:36:00 - Julia's Growth and Challenges
00:46:00 - Conclusion and Reflections on Parenting

Deb Pilcher's grief journey began years before her husband's death, with the stillbirth of their first daughter, Anna.

In a surprising twist, that first devastating loss was the catalyst for healing and hope when her husband, Wally, was killed in a driving accident that left her oldest son in critical condition. Deb was given an image that to this day allows her to reframe her grief and feel joy in spite of her devastating losses.

Deb's story—marked by child loss, widowhood, two battles with cancer, and a new marriage—is shared here to bring hope to others who are grieving.

Hope is a superpower!

00:00:00 - Introduction and Guest Introduction
Whitney introduces Holly and Deb, sharing the significance of Deb's support during her early widowhood.

00:01:30 - Deb's Grief Journey Begins
Deb recounts the beginning of her grief journey with the stillbirth of her first daughter and the subsequent loss of her husband, Wally.

00:02:50 - The Impact of Wally's Death
Deb shares the details of Wally's tragic death in a car accident and the immediate aftermath for her and their children.

00:05:00 - Jacob's Survival and Trauma
Discussion about Jacob's injuries from the accident and the challenges of communicating the news of Wally's death to him.

00:08:00 - The Role of Friends and Family
Deb reflects on the support she received from friends and family during the crisis and the importance of community.

00:10:30 - Navigating Grief and Denial
Deb discusses her initial denial of Wally's death and her focus on Jacob's recovery.

00:12:30 - The Long Road of Grief
Deb explains how she coped with her grief over the years, focusing on her children and gradually processing her loss.

00:15:00 - Finding Joy Amidst Grief
Deb shares how she reframed her grief and found moments of joy, including the concept of "reunion day."

00:20:00 - The Challenge of Moving Forward
Discussion on the fear of moving on from grief and the struggle to let go of memories.

00:23:00 - Humor in Grief
Deb and Whitney talk about the importance of humor in coping with grief and share funny anecdotes.

00:27:00 - Dating After Loss
Deb discusses her journey to dating again after Wally's death and the challenges she faced.

00:30:00 - Meeting Clay
Deb shares the story of how she met her current husband, Clay, through her friends.

00:35:00 - The Wedding and Family Dynamics
Deb describes her wedding to Clay and how her children have adjusted to the new family dynamics.

00:40:00 - Balancing Memories of the Past
Deb talks about the importance of acknowledging Wally's flaws while celebrating his memory and ensuring her children understand that no one is perfect.

Holly is in a funk and that's totally normal. Grief is a part of our life now, even 8 years in. It definitely is not as heavy and ever present as the early years, but to think that there will come a day when grief has left you, is not realistic.

In this episode of Every Widow Thing, Whitney and Holly dive into the complex emotions surrounding grief, loneliness, and the unexpected role of humor in healing. As they share personal stories and experiences, they explore how laughter can coexist with sorrow, even in the most challenging moments.

Join them as they discuss:

• The nuances of grief and the feeling of loneliness, even years after loss.

• The importance of acknowledging all emotions related to grief.

• Hilarious anecdotes, including a story about a widow twerking at a funeral and the use of cardboard cutouts to honor loved ones.

• The healing power of laughter and how it can lighten the heaviest of situations.

Whether you're navigating your own grief journey or simply looking for a lighthearted take on a heavy topic, this episode offers a blend of humor and heartfelt conversation. Remember, where you are right now is not where you will stay—laughter and healing are possible!

Don't forget to like, subscribe, and share your thoughts in the comments!

Get ready! Our latest episode is here, and it's a special one: our 50th!

We reflect on our experiences, share heartfelt stories from our recent meet and greet with listeners, and celebrate the monumental milestones in our lives, including the graduations of Keira and Holly's firstborns.

What would we tell our newly widowed selves about the future? Tune in to find out!

Don't dip out early! Keira gives us fresh material for some good-natured ribbing and it is "sole-ful!"

00:00:00 - Celebrating Episode 50
The hosts introduce themselves and celebrate the milestone of their 50th episode, reflecting on their journey.

00:01:00 - Meet and Greet Recap
Discussion about the recent meet and greet with listeners, sharing experiences and the rewarding nature of connecting with their audience.

00:02:00 - Supporting New Widows
The hosts talk about their experiences supporting newer widows and the impact of their podcast on listeners.

00:03:00 - Funny Hat Misunderstanding
A humorous anecdote about their EWT hats being misread by others at the meet and greet.

00:04:00 - Planning Challenges
The hosts discuss the difficulties of planning events and the emotional responses tied to scheduling after loss.

00:05:30 - Flipping the Script on Negativity
A conversation about changing negative thought patterns and focusing on positive outcomes.

00:06:30 - Worries About Kids Driving
The hosts share their concerns about their children driving long distances and the anxiety that comes with it.

00:07:30 - Graduation Milestones
The hosts reflect on their children's recent college graduations and the emotions tied to these significant milestones.

00:08:30 - Mixed Emotions at Graduation
Discussion about the bittersweet feelings surrounding their children's graduations and the absence of their late spouses.

00:10:00 - Incorporating Late Spouses in Celebrations
Kira shares her emotional struggle to include her late husband in her daughter's graduation celebration.

00:12:00 - Family Connections
The hosts discuss family dynamics and the involvement of their late spouses' families during graduation events.

00:13:30 - Gabe's Graduation Experience
Holly shares details about her son Gabe's graduation, including family attendance and special gifts.

00:15:00 - Navigating College Experiences
The hosts discuss the differences between high school and college graduations and the unique experiences of their children.

00:17:00 - Expectations vs. Reality
A conversation about the pressures of expectations during significant life events and how they can affect experiences.

00:19:00 - The Reality of College Life
The hosts discuss the challenges their children face in college and the importance of managing expectations.

00:20:30 - Reflections on Loss and Growth
The hosts reflect on their children's growth and resilience after losing their fathers at a young age.

00:22:00 - Gabe's Tattoo Tribute
Holly shares the story of Gabe getting a tattoo to honor his late father, Toby, and the significance behind it.

00:25:00 - Tattoo Stories and Memories
The hosts share personal stories related to tattoos and the memories they evoke.

00:27:00 - Podcast Journey Reflection
The hosts reflect on their journey with the podcast, discussing the challenges and growth they've experienced.

00:30:00 - The Impact of Sharing Stories
Discussion on the importance of sharing their stories and how it has helped both them and their listeners.

00:32:00 - Filling a Void for Others
The hosts talk about their motivation for starting the podcast and the need for support in the widow community.

00:35:00 - Looking Ahead
The hosts express their hopes for the future of the podcast and their commitment to supporting others through their experiences.

In this informative episode of "Every Widow Thing," Lacey , Whitney, Holly, and Keira speak with special guest Cheryl Martin, a retired grief therapist and recent widow. Together, they explore the complexities of grief, particularly the often-overlooked challenges of the second year after loss. Cheryl shares her personal journey of navigating widowhood and the insights she gained from her professional experience as a grief counselor.

Throughout the conversation, they discuss the importance of empathy, the need for ongoing support, and the reality of living with grief long after the initial loss. Cheryl offers valuable tools for coping, including the significance of allowing oneself to feel a range of emotions, the power of community, and the necessity of seeking help when needed.

Join us as we delve into the realities of grief, the importance of remembering our loved ones, and the ways we can support each other through this difficult journey. Whether you're a widow/widower, a friend, or someone looking to understand grief better, this episode is filled with compassion, wisdom, and hope.

Topics Covered:

• ​The challenges of the second year of grief
• ​The importance of empathy and support
• ​Tools for coping with loss
• ​The significance of remembering loved ones
• ​Finding the right therapist and support groups

Don't forget to like, subscribe, and share your thoughts in the comments!

• ​00:00:00 - Introduction and Guest Introduction: Introduction of Cheryl Martin, a retired grief therapist and widow.
• ​00:02:13 - Experiencing Grief as a Therapist vs. a Widow: Cheryl discusses her insights on grief after becoming a widow.
• ​00:04:15 - The Challenge of Second Year Grief: Discussion of the difficulties of the second year of grief.
• ​00:06:19 - The Marathon of Grief: Grief as an ongoing journey.
• ​00:08:39 - The Importance of Remembering Loved Ones: Significance of remembering deceased loved ones.
• ​00:10:11 - Navigating Conversations About Loss: How to approach conversations about deceased loved ones.
• ​00:12:07 - Therapist Tools for Grief: Using therapy background to navigate grief.
• ​00:13:26 - Allowing Grief Emotions to Surface: Importance of expressing all grief emotions.
• ​00:15:33 - Self-Care and Grief: The necessity of self-care during grieving.
• ​00:18:02 - Finding Support Groups: Benefits of joining support groups.
• ​00:21:43 - Choosing the Right Therapist: Advice on finding a suitable therapist.
• ​00:25:40 - The Goal of Therapy: Guiding individuals through their grief journey.
• ​00:28:38 - Books and Resources for Grief: Recommended resources for grief.
• ​00:30:10 - Grounding Techniques in Therapy: Grounding techniques related to EMDR and trauma.
• ​00:34:05 - Understanding Dissociation: Explanation of dissociation during trauma.
• ​00:39:13 - Reliving Trauma in Therapy: Discussion on reliving traumatic events in therapy.
• ​00:41:14 - Navigating Medical Conversations: Challenges of discussing trauma with medical professionals.
• ​00:45:02 - The Role of the Therapist in Grief: Therapist's role in holding space for clients' grief.

Okay, grab your comfiest blanket and a big ol' bowl of snacks, because the "Every Widow Thing" crew is spilling all their binge-watching addictions! Make sure to stick around until the end for some interesting new trends for those looking for love!

They discuss everything from the fun and fantasy of "Younger" to the dark humor in "Bad Sisters" and the emotional rollercoaster of the new Bridget Jones movie, "Mad About the Boy."

But it's not all fluff! We're also getting real about how shows like "Shrinking" and "Landman" tackle grief, and how those stories hit home for us.

Plus, you won't believe the wild TikTok trend we found about love at... Home Depot?! Seriously. And why the local grocery store soup station might also be worth a shot!

Whether you need a good laugh or something to make you think, this episode's got your back. So, hit play and join the pajama party!

TIME STAMPS:

00:00:00 - Introduction and Lighthearted Topics
00:00:20 - Current Shows and Recommendations
00:01:30 - Younger: A Fun Fantasy
00:02:39 - Schitt's Creek and Bad Sisters
00:03:27 - Soothing True Crime Shows
00:04:02 - Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy
00:05:22 - Grief Themes in Movies
00:06:38 - Shrinking: A Grieving Perspective
00:08:00 - Handling Widowhood in TV Shows
00:10:42 - Cordially Invited: A Family Dynamic
00:12:02 - Landman: A Complex Narrative
00:15:25 - Virgin River: A Mixed Bag
00:16:10 - Home Depot Dating Trend
00:19:07 - Soup Flirting and Closing Thoughts

Every Widow Thing enjoyed a super staycation at the charming Poppy Round Top Airbnb, just an hour and a half from Austin, Texas. Over Valentine's Day weekend, they dove into Mel Robbins' inspiring new book, The Let Them Theory.

Listeners can expect a heartfelt and relatable discussion as the podcast explores how this book resonates with the widow community, tackling the pressures of people-pleasing and the importance of releasing control.

With personal stories and laughs, they share how embracing the "let them" mindset empowers them to reclaim their lives and pursue dreams without the weight of judgment. This episode offers a fun and uplifting conversation, reminding listeners to focus on their own happiness and let others do their thing!

Timestamps:

00:00:00 - Welcome to Poppy Round Top
Introduction to the staycation and the setting for the podcast episode.

00:00:21 - Mel Robbins' The Let Them Theory
Discussion about Mel Robbins' new book and its relevance to the hosts.

00:01:38 - Insights from the Book
Exploration of key insights from the book and their application in daily life.

00:02:55 - Vulnerability and Control
The impact of vulnerability on relationships and the desire for control, especially in the widow community.

00:03:47 - People-Pleasing Tendencies
Discussion on the tendency to please others and the stress it causes, particularly for women.

00:04:41 - Empowerment Through Letting Go
The empowering message of the book and the challenges of letting go of control.

00:05:56 - Navigating Widowhood
How the book's concepts apply to the experiences of widows and their journeys.

00:07:07 - Judgment from Others
Addressing the judgment widows face from others regarding their choices and timelines.

00:09:21 - Awareness of Control
The importance of recognizing what is within one's control and what is not.

00:10:30 - Expressing Feelings
The significance of expressing feelings rather than suppressing them to avoid resentment.

00:12:24 - Finding Balance
The need for balance in caring for oneself while supporting children through trauma.

00:14:59 - Friendship Dynamics
Reflections on friendships and feelings of exclusion after loss.

00:16:30 - Setting Boundaries
The importance of setting boundaries in relationships and personal well-being.

00:19:06 - The Role of Change
Understanding that change in others can only happen when they are ready.

00:20:38 - Parenting and Control
The struggle of controlling children's lives and the realization of their independence.

00:22:38 - Self-Confidence Through Responsibility
How allowing children to take responsibility fosters their self-confidence.

00:25:24 - The Power of Letting Go
The transformative power of letting go of control and expectations.

00:27:05 - Taking Back Power
The importance of reclaiming personal power after loss and trauma.

00:28:00 - Overcoming Fear of Judgment
The journey of overcoming the fear of what others think and pursuing personal dreams.

00:29:07 - Final Thoughts on Dreams
Encouragement to follow one's dreams and the freedom that comes from letting go of others' opinions.